I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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