new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize