I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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