Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize