well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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