the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize