so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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