He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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