I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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