The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize