He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
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I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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