I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize