he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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