I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize