Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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