At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize