I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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