If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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