I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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