I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize