1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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