watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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