in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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