On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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