this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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