One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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