when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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