You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize