So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize