I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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