You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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