The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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