I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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