Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize