It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Couch. On fire.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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