i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize