found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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