angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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