apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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