Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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