i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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