I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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