I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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