dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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