Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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