apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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