Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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