Do you still have your period?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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