Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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