Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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